The Art of Small Talk

My friend is great at the art of engaging someone in small talk. He could be talking with a high power attorney, a checkout clerk, a construction worker or someone he hasn't seen in years and hold his ground and be as engaging and personable with any of them. He is always able to leave them thinking "he's a pretty cool guy" and leave a lasting impression of the encounter.

Some people are able to do it like it's second nature and others struggle with it. Like when you see celebrities walk down the red carpet at an awards show or a movie premiere, they just look comfortable doing it. If an average person was doing it they would come off looking stiff and awkward. They wouldn't know how to carry themself.

How I define "small talk" is simply a brief conversation that doesn't have any real deep significance. It could be commenting on what's going on around you at the moment, a catch up session, or just some general topic.

I have never been good at small talk. It's quite a handicap when your in a very social situation where you don't know many people. It's very easy to come off that your aloof, uninterested or just a plain miserable person. I'm sure I've given that impression unintentionally. I've never heard of a class that teaches you how to properly engage in small talk, I could definitely use it.

Small talk just seemed very pointless to me, I guess that's why I never mastered it. Just the thought of talking with someone about some mundane issue and then moving on to someone else to talk about another more boring topic doesn't really light my fire. If your spending a few moments with someone I think it would be much more satisfying to talk about something more worthwhile. Let's really talk! Unfortunately if I tried that I probably get smacked.

The worst is when I bump into someone that I knew from years ago, like former classmates. Generally if I haven't talked with them since school it means I was never interested in maintaining contact with them and probably vice versa. They recognize you and you have to give them a quick recap of what you've been up to. Sometimes it will be said, "oh we've got to get together", which rarely ever happens. And you wonder if you'll bump into them again in another fifteen years.

I realize small talk is a required step, especially when your first meeting someone. And I'll still try to get better at it. But I wish I could carry a card with my vital stats and a quick synopsis of my feelings about the weather. Hand it to them and say, now can we discuss something a little more weighty. Until then, I'll just try my best and try to remember it's a necessary social skill and hopefully I'll get better at it. Luckily I won't have to be walking down any red carpets in the near future.

Final Words...

I was reading a list of final words spoken by famous people throughout history. I guess it’s morbid curiosity, but I’ve always been fascinated at what was the last thing spoken by someone.

First words are much more documented. Most of us probably either said "Mommy", "Daddy", "Food", "Go" or some kind of basic word. We probably just heard it so often that it becomes ingrained in our heads and through repetition we were somehow able to repeat it. A momentous moment when our parents ooohed and ahhhed at our first development in speaking. Our first spoken word in our lifetime.

I don’t think our first words could sum up our lives. Mainly because we were babies and we were just starting out. We probably weren’t sure what the word meant, what would happen when we said it and everyone was just psyched to hear something...anything come out of our mouths besides half-digested milk. So in my mind they don’t hold as much weight as our final ones should. Poetically speaking, our final words should be more significant. We lived, loved, hoped, dreamed, and it is our last chance to pass on some wisdom or try to sum up our own life, what it meant and who you were. Consider it a verbal epitaph.

Et tu, Brute?
Assassinated.
~~ Gaius Julius Caesar, Roman Emperor, d. 44 BC

Why do you weep. Did you think I was immortal?
~~ Louis XIV, King of France, d. 1715

Get my swan costume ready.
~~ Anna Pavlova, ballerina, d. 1931

Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good, the show looks good!
~~ Florenz Ziegfeld, showman, d. July 22, 1932

How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?
~~ P. T. Barnum, entrepreneur, d. 1891

Friends applaud, the comedy is finished.
~~ Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, d. March 26, 1827

I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is correct.
~~ Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, d. 1702

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
~~ Humphrey Bogart, actor, d. January 14, 1957

Is it the Fourth?
~~ Thomas Jefferson, US President, d. July 4, 1826

Thomas Jefferson--still survives...
~~ John Adams, US President, d. July 4, 1826
(Actually, Jefferson had died earlier that same day.)

There are times when people are delirious, in shock, or completely confused in their final moments. Final words can be a shoot or miss opportunity. What are the chances that your coherent enough that your imparting your concluding thoughts. Some final words are spoken and they make little sense. They sound bizarre and unintelligible, and are in a confused state I suppose you could find some profound meaning in what they said if you wanted to, but if they had known these would be their final words they would have reconsidered them.

I am still alive!
Stabbed to death by his own guards - (as reported by Roman historian Tacitus)
~~ Gaius Caligula, Roman Emperor, d.41 AD

That was the best ice-cream soda I ever tasted.
~~ Lou Costello, comedian, d. March 3, 1959

That was a great game of golf, fellers.
~~ Harry Lillis "Bing" Crosby, singer / actor, d. October 14, 1977

Good-bye . . . why am I hemorrhaging?
~~ Boris Pasternak, writer, d. 1959

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist. . . .
Killed in battle during US Civil War.
~~ General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, d. 1864

Go away. I'm all right.
~~ H. G. Wells, novelist, d. 1946

I am dying. I haven't drunk champagne for a long time.
~~ Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, writer, d. July 1, 1904

My God. What's happened?
~~ Diana (Spencer), Princess of Wales, d. August 31, 1997

I must go in, the fog is rising.
~~ Emily Dickinson, poet, d. 1886

Why not? Yeah.
~~ Timothy Leary, d. May 31, 1996

It would be nice to think that there’s some kind of revelation you have at the moment your going to die. Some kind of otherworldly connection that finally opens up to you only then. You get all the answers that you ever wanted and it’s suddenly clear where you are going. Everyone has heard the old cliche of seeing a bright light, but maybe that’s not how death comes to you. Could any of these final words hold the ultimate answer to what awaits us?

Now comes the mystery.
~~ Henry Ward Beecher, evangelist, d. March 8, 1887

Beautiful.
In reply to her husband who had asked how she felt.
~~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning, writer, d. June 28, 1861

I'm bored with it all.
Before slipping into a coma. He died 9 days later.
~~ Winston Churchill, statesman, d. January 24, 1965

This time it will be a long one.
~~ Georges Clemenceau, French premier, d. 1929

I am not the least afraid to die.
~~ Charles Darwin, d. April 19, 1882

I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring.
~~ Richard Feynman, physicist, d. 1988

God will pardon me, that's his line of work.
~~ Heinrich Heine, poet, d. February 15, 1856

Does nobody understand?
~~ James Joyce, writer, d. 1941

Now I’m curious to find more parting words of wisdom. It’s a captivating idea of how you would sum up your life in a few syllables with your last breath. If you know of any interesting final words pass them along.

My personal favorite is still from Napoleon. After being Emperor of most of Europe he became the most powerful individual in the world. He left his first love because she was unable to give him a heir. Wanting to expand his reign lead to his downfall and he was exiled to the island of Elba. He eventually escaped to reclaim his thrown, but was defeated at Waterloo. Again he was exiled to the island of St. Helena, a rocky, desolate place with very few inhabitants. The once powerful leader spent his remaining years taking long baths, gardening and replaying in his mind what went wrong. Six years later he died. His last word was:

Josephine...
~~ Napoleon Bonaparte, French Emperor, May 5, 1821