Quoting Movies....

I love the film Swingers. I would occasionally quote lines from it with the pals. At some point one of the great quotes from that film, "This place is dead anyway", had become used less as a quote and more like a mantra. Everytime a group of us were hanging out that line would inevitably be said. The humor that I felt about the line was squeezed out of it by the complete overuse of it. It became more annoying to hear than fun.

Swingers is just one of countless films that are very quote-friendly. I used to love hearing a quote from a film come out of someone's mouth. There's an instant connection you share with that person. You know that line, know the film, and it's nice to know they are another fan. That's one thing you share in common off the bat. It was almost an inside joke between people.

Lately I've been hearing the same movie quotes way too often. Everyone has tried all those famous lines, like the Godfather, but the real annoying ones are from comedies. Classic comedies are prime picking for quotes. Austin Powers, Animal House, Caddyshack, Revenge of the Nerds, Fletch, Clerks, Office Space.

It's usually an offense by guys who think the line is just as funny hearing it from them that it was in the original film. Their not simply quoting the line, they're saying it as if they wrote it specifically for the situation. I was at a 7-11 and this guy was buying lottery tickets. He said to the check out guy, "I hope to win....ONE MILLION DOLLARS" and put his pinky to his mouth. The check out guy wasn't laughing.

It's become an extremely rare occasion where hearing any movie quote from someone will break me into hysterics.You have to have a real talent to pull of the quote and know that it's appropriate to add to the conversation. You might be able to squeeze a laugh out of it, if your lucky. It's very easy for it not to sound clever, have people think "this person is unoriginal", everyone rolls their eyes, groan and you just killed a fun situation.

We all know the "this one goes to eleven" speech, "don't call me shirley", "two dollars!" and "Vegas baby". I'm not hoping that quoting movies will go away, I just wish people would be a bit more discriminatory towards using them. It's not as amusing as when we first heard the line from Bill Murray 20 years ago. If you have to say, say it and move on and don't expect any applause.

The Art of Small Talk

My friend is great at the art of engaging someone in small talk. He could be talking with a high power attorney, a checkout clerk, a construction worker or someone he hasn't seen in years and hold his ground and be as engaging and personable with any of them. He is always able to leave them thinking "he's a pretty cool guy" and leave a lasting impression of the encounter.

Some people are able to do it like it's second nature and others struggle with it. Like when you see celebrities walk down the red carpet at an awards show or a movie premiere, they just look comfortable doing it. If an average person was doing it they would come off looking stiff and awkward. They wouldn't know how to carry themself.

How I define "small talk" is simply a brief conversation that doesn't have any real deep significance. It could be commenting on what's going on around you at the moment, a catch up session, or just some general topic.

I have never been good at small talk. It's quite a handicap when your in a very social situation where you don't know many people. It's very easy to come off that your aloof, uninterested or just a plain miserable person. I'm sure I've given that impression unintentionally. I've never heard of a class that teaches you how to properly engage in small talk, I could definitely use it.

Small talk just seemed very pointless to me, I guess that's why I never mastered it. Just the thought of talking with someone about some mundane issue and then moving on to someone else to talk about another more boring topic doesn't really light my fire. If your spending a few moments with someone I think it would be much more satisfying to talk about something more worthwhile. Let's really talk! Unfortunately if I tried that I probably get smacked.

The worst is when I bump into someone that I knew from years ago, like former classmates. Generally if I haven't talked with them since school it means I was never interested in maintaining contact with them and probably vice versa. They recognize you and you have to give them a quick recap of what you've been up to. Sometimes it will be said, "oh we've got to get together", which rarely ever happens. And you wonder if you'll bump into them again in another fifteen years.

I realize small talk is a required step, especially when your first meeting someone. And I'll still try to get better at it. But I wish I could carry a card with my vital stats and a quick synopsis of my feelings about the weather. Hand it to them and say, now can we discuss something a little more weighty. Until then, I'll just try my best and try to remember it's a necessary social skill and hopefully I'll get better at it. Luckily I won't have to be walking down any red carpets in the near future.

Final Words...

I was reading a list of final words spoken by famous people throughout history. I guess it’s morbid curiosity, but I’ve always been fascinated at what was the last thing spoken by someone.

First words are much more documented. Most of us probably either said "Mommy", "Daddy", "Food", "Go" or some kind of basic word. We probably just heard it so often that it becomes ingrained in our heads and through repetition we were somehow able to repeat it. A momentous moment when our parents ooohed and ahhhed at our first development in speaking. Our first spoken word in our lifetime.

I don’t think our first words could sum up our lives. Mainly because we were babies and we were just starting out. We probably weren’t sure what the word meant, what would happen when we said it and everyone was just psyched to hear something...anything come out of our mouths besides half-digested milk. So in my mind they don’t hold as much weight as our final ones should. Poetically speaking, our final words should be more significant. We lived, loved, hoped, dreamed, and it is our last chance to pass on some wisdom or try to sum up our own life, what it meant and who you were. Consider it a verbal epitaph.

Et tu, Brute?
Assassinated.
~~ Gaius Julius Caesar, Roman Emperor, d. 44 BC

Why do you weep. Did you think I was immortal?
~~ Louis XIV, King of France, d. 1715

Get my swan costume ready.
~~ Anna Pavlova, ballerina, d. 1931

Curtain! Fast music! Light! Ready for the last finale! Great! The show looks good, the show looks good!
~~ Florenz Ziegfeld, showman, d. July 22, 1932

How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?
~~ P. T. Barnum, entrepreneur, d. 1891

Friends applaud, the comedy is finished.
~~ Ludwig van Beethoven, composer, d. March 26, 1827

I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is correct.
~~ Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, d. 1702

I should never have switched from Scotch to Martinis.
~~ Humphrey Bogart, actor, d. January 14, 1957

Is it the Fourth?
~~ Thomas Jefferson, US President, d. July 4, 1826

Thomas Jefferson--still survives...
~~ John Adams, US President, d. July 4, 1826
(Actually, Jefferson had died earlier that same day.)

There are times when people are delirious, in shock, or completely confused in their final moments. Final words can be a shoot or miss opportunity. What are the chances that your coherent enough that your imparting your concluding thoughts. Some final words are spoken and they make little sense. They sound bizarre and unintelligible, and are in a confused state I suppose you could find some profound meaning in what they said if you wanted to, but if they had known these would be their final words they would have reconsidered them.

I am still alive!
Stabbed to death by his own guards - (as reported by Roman historian Tacitus)
~~ Gaius Caligula, Roman Emperor, d.41 AD

That was the best ice-cream soda I ever tasted.
~~ Lou Costello, comedian, d. March 3, 1959

That was a great game of golf, fellers.
~~ Harry Lillis "Bing" Crosby, singer / actor, d. October 14, 1977

Good-bye . . . why am I hemorrhaging?
~~ Boris Pasternak, writer, d. 1959

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist. . . .
Killed in battle during US Civil War.
~~ General John Sedgwick, Union Commander, d. 1864

Go away. I'm all right.
~~ H. G. Wells, novelist, d. 1946

I am dying. I haven't drunk champagne for a long time.
~~ Anton Pavlovich Chekhov, writer, d. July 1, 1904

My God. What's happened?
~~ Diana (Spencer), Princess of Wales, d. August 31, 1997

I must go in, the fog is rising.
~~ Emily Dickinson, poet, d. 1886

Why not? Yeah.
~~ Timothy Leary, d. May 31, 1996

It would be nice to think that there’s some kind of revelation you have at the moment your going to die. Some kind of otherworldly connection that finally opens up to you only then. You get all the answers that you ever wanted and it’s suddenly clear where you are going. Everyone has heard the old cliche of seeing a bright light, but maybe that’s not how death comes to you. Could any of these final words hold the ultimate answer to what awaits us?

Now comes the mystery.
~~ Henry Ward Beecher, evangelist, d. March 8, 1887

Beautiful.
In reply to her husband who had asked how she felt.
~~ Elizabeth Barrett Browning, writer, d. June 28, 1861

I'm bored with it all.
Before slipping into a coma. He died 9 days later.
~~ Winston Churchill, statesman, d. January 24, 1965

This time it will be a long one.
~~ Georges Clemenceau, French premier, d. 1929

I am not the least afraid to die.
~~ Charles Darwin, d. April 19, 1882

I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring.
~~ Richard Feynman, physicist, d. 1988

God will pardon me, that's his line of work.
~~ Heinrich Heine, poet, d. February 15, 1856

Does nobody understand?
~~ James Joyce, writer, d. 1941

Now I’m curious to find more parting words of wisdom. It’s a captivating idea of how you would sum up your life in a few syllables with your last breath. If you know of any interesting final words pass them along.

My personal favorite is still from Napoleon. After being Emperor of most of Europe he became the most powerful individual in the world. He left his first love because she was unable to give him a heir. Wanting to expand his reign lead to his downfall and he was exiled to the island of Elba. He eventually escaped to reclaim his thrown, but was defeated at Waterloo. Again he was exiled to the island of St. Helena, a rocky, desolate place with very few inhabitants. The once powerful leader spent his remaining years taking long baths, gardening and replaying in his mind what went wrong. Six years later he died. His last word was:

Josephine...
~~ Napoleon Bonaparte, French Emperor, May 5, 1821

If love is blind, then why is lingerie so popular?

There are all different categories of what attracts someone to someone else. The most primal is a body parts. Not private parts, but a part of the body that you look at and are drawn to. Butts, chests, arms, legs, hands, feet, stomachs, shoulders. I think there is at least one fan out there for every part of the body. Those are the more popular ones, but if you try to think of the most bizarre inconsequential part, there is someone out there who loves it.

I suppose some of this could fall into fetish. I’ve heard some wacky stuff. Like “she’s got a great collar-bone”, “his ankles are hot”, “look at those shoulder blades!”. There was one guy who was into body parts that were gone. He was attracted to women who were missing their limbs. The stumps were sexy in his mind!

I would have to place myself into the leg category. It is one of the more popular categories and I'm amongst millions of other devotees. I love seeing a woman in a skirt with beautiful legs, it’s an immediate head turner. That’s the only reason I used to watch Entertainment Tonight….Mary Hart. She had great legs. They actually had her sit behind a desk with a clear front and had a light specifically shining on her gams. They knew what their audience was tuning in for. I haven’t watched that show lately. It seems these news programs have now started this new trend where the anchors stand for the entire broadcast…anyone else notice this?

You could probably trace back to what triggered your specific fixation on a certain body part. Probably somewhere in childhood (isn’t that where all the answers supposedly lay?) Someone was nice to you with that feature, the shape of your baby toy, the spot you were pinched or whatever.

So if your bored one lazy afternoon try to consider the possibilities and circumstances that attract you to that feature on a body. Consider what in your infant, child adolescent years it might have originated from. I know….it would have to be a really, really slow day to do this. But if you come up with any answers or theories let me know.

What Happened to Crushes?

You know I was thinking the other day that I haven’t had a crush in quite awhile. I’ve spouted out about what my thoughts about unpleasantness of the word itself, but “Crush’ is the most commonly used word to describe the infatuation you have for someone so we'll use it.

Most of my first crushes weren’t with real life people. They were from the movies or tv. You couldn’t like the girl next door who was your age. Cooties, you know. Like most guys my age, Princess Leia was one of my first. She was the only girl in those really cool movies. She was feisty, a princess, could fly spaceships and was very cute. What was not to love? In my adolescent mind I thought, “yeah, she would be the perfect girl”. I wasn’t aware about 50 million other kids were thinking the same thing. That's quite some competition to try to stand out to one girl. You have less rivlary at a bar. Leia deserved the adulation. To this day a generation still considers the gold bikini to be the sexist outfit ever.

To have a crush you have to see the person on a consistent basis, that’s what makes a crush. You can’t just see them once or twice. You have to encounter them consistently, then over time you think about them more and can’t wait to see them. Afterwards you would analyze what they said or what they were wearing. Then start planning on how to handle your next encounter with them.

Before hitting my crush stride with actual classmates, I pined for Daisy Duke, Catwoman, Wonder Woman, Joanie from Happy Days. Plus a few actresses I caught on the naughty cable channels, late at night and uh without my parents knowledge.
In school having a crush was great. It definitely kept me motivated. And I was excited about getting to that class, something that teachers only prayed for, unfortunately it wasn’t to learn. My attention would be solely on my object of affection. Who they talked to, did they pass notes, did they answer any of the teachers questions, oh my God I think they looked at me!

Cool stuff. But at some point, not sure when, crushes became less and less commonplace. It’s almost as if reality set in and the whole ideal version of happily ever that you envisioned with your crush has become more of a fairty tale. Time has passed and you’ve gone through pains of real relationships, gotten into fights, had to deal with over the top drama. The whole fantasy has been corrupted by our experiences. Now you’re conscious of the problems you would have to deal with; him/her having a crazy ex., being too much or a partier, lives too far away, not being very bright, or having nothing in common with each other.

Back then I didn’t worry about any of that. I’ve had a handful of crushes since the old school days, but none have come close to the perfection of Me and Princess Leia killing Stormtroopers together, her kissing me on the cheek and us flying off in a spaceship before the film fades out. I never thought twice about how far away she lived, age difference or that she was a fictional character. It was perfect. I don't think any future crush that I might have will ever be able to top it.

Well back to reality…..

Ahhhhh.....The Language of Love

If love is blind, then how is it possible to fall in love at first sight? Should the expression be "Love at first sense" or something like that?

Some of the terms we use for a relationship are kind of odd. Common phrases or expressions sound more like a trip to a hospital than adoration.

Everyone meets someone in their during their life that they admire from afar. We use the term "A Crush" to describe these feelings for someone. It’s sort of an appropriate description, since usually it doesn’t go any further than just marvel from a distance.

You go out somewhere and in order to meet you, someone has to "Hit On You". If things are going well you might "Hook Up’.

When you start to like someone more and more you become "Mad About Them" or you "Fall For Them", even possibly "Fall Head Over Heels" for them. They just might "Sweep You Off Your Feet". Be careful not to end up in traction.

You get in a relationship with them and become their "Main Squeeze". Doesn’t sound very comfortable.

Eventurally it’s time to "Get Hitched" or you "Tie the Knot". Why don’t we just use "Bound and Gagged"?

Valentine’s Day the most romantic holiday during the year. The spokesperson for it is a little guy in a diaper trying to shoot an arrow thru your heart.

When things turn sour they "Break Your Heart" and you have to "Break Up".

I realize all these are just expressions. And the best way to describe love is to make it into a more physical manifestation and pain can be such an intense sensation it seems like a perfect metaphor. But seriously if I told you, "I had a crush on this girl who I finally hit on. She fell for me and became my main squeeze until we decided not to tie the knot and broke up." You would think I was involved not in a relationship, but a struggle for my life. But "All’s Fair in Love and War".

If you can think of anymore odd phrases I forgot to mention please let me know.

Rearview Mirrors

I love odd trinkets. I was sitting in traffic the other day and started noticing the other cars. I’m not a huge car buff and never really admire cars. They all look generally look the same to me. You notice how cars have progressively gotten more and more round looking. There are barely any straight lines to them anymore.

Anyway, I wasn’t looking at the cars themselves, but at their rearview mirrors. Most of the drivers had something hanging on their rearview mirror. It got kinda interesting to see what people had hanging and how many times they would recur in other peoples cars.

Number one was necklaces or jewelry. I guess they’re pretty easy to hang . I’m guessing most of the time the charm on the necklace holds some significance to the driver. Maybe it’s religious or sentimental value. I guess it’s comforting for some people to know that St. Christopher is watching over them (he’s the Patron Saint of Motorists, yep it’s true). One good thing about putting up a necklace, it’s not as distracting as some other things people hang up.

Fuzzy dice has been a favorite for God knows how long. I think it gained popularity back in the 50’s. Teens driving their giant shiny cars needed a pair of fuzzy dice dangling up front. I don’t think they’re that popular nowadays or maybe I’ve just been looking in the wrong cars.

People love stuffed animals. They put them on the dashboard, in the back window and on the rearview mirror. There was one car that had a stuffed monkey hanging from it. Gotta have guts to put that up.

There were a handful of flags. Patriotic that’s nice. For awhile everyone had flags hanging on the outside of their cars. I guess now they graduated to be inside.

One car had what looked like wind chimes. I always thought the point of wind chimes was to hang out on your porch and when you heard them make the clinking noise you knew there was a breeze coming in. Not sure what good they are in a car. Maybe to make sure your air conditioner is working.

Scented pine trees have become a clichéd item. They’re really not very decorative and the main reason is for them to make your car smell all nice and….piney. I’m not sure who would hang up for any other reason than that. A lumberjack maybe?.

There seems to be a new trend of hanging cd’s on your rearview mirror. Have you seen this? I just don’t understand it. At first I thought it might be the drivers favorite cd and he had hanging there so he could get to it easily. But that didn’t make too much sense so I gave up trying to figure it out. It would seem to be annoying having a cd constantly bouncing around reflecting the sun into your face. But maybe that’s the point, make your car look like a disco.

A handful of drivers have nothing at all. I always interpret that as them being very straight-laced no nonsense drivers. “A car is supposed to be driven from Point A to Point B. No monkey business, either on the roads or the rearview mirror. They don’t get any enjoyment out of driving or maybe they are just not as flashy as others.

So if you have an unusual thingy hanging from your rearview mirror that I haven’t mentioned let me know. And if you know the reasons or rationale behind the cd thing clue me in!